


Collide

by kate7h



Category: Vinland Saga (Manga)
Genre: Canon Continuation, Chapter 161, Dorks, F/M, Gap Filler, Love Confessions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:55:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25630906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kate7h/pseuds/kate7h
Summary: “I have no confidence at all that I could ever make you happy.”“That’s not what I asked...!” She said, almost in an accusatory tone. “Do you like me or not?”“No, I mean…” he backtracked, feeling flustered again. “You’re Sigurd’s wi-““Murderer or scoundrel. Wars or no wars. I don’t care about any of that,” Gudrid interrupted him, her words forceful and stern. “Just… do you like me?”~A continuation of chapter 161.
Relationships: Gudrid/Thorfinn (Vinland Saga)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 26





	Collide

**Author's Note:**

> I figured it was about time I post this piece... been playing around with it for months and now I have 4k words...

It was quiet on the ship as they made preparations to set sail. It was… so quiet… uncomfortably quiet… Thorfinn felt a prickling sweat on his neck as no one said a word. The only words among the crew were the playful babbling Karli was making. He glanced at the baby, cooing and chortling as the dog sniffed at him, licking his face gently. 

_He’s going to miss Gudrid…_ He bit his lip at the thought, winding the excess rope about his forearm. 

_It’s my fault she’s leaving…_ Maybe technically it wasn’t— she promised Sigurd she would go before she… said what she’d said… but had it not been for… all that… they would be sailing away as fast as they could, trying to outrun the man all over again. _Had it not been for me… and for all this… she wouldn’t have to give up her newfound freedom…_

“Thorfinn!” Einar called, a little louder than it seemed necessary, which probably meant he’d m called more than once. 

“H- huh?”

Einar sighed, giving him a pitiable look. _Gee thanks…_ “Did you untie the starboard, is what I asked.”

Thorfinn frowned, seeing he’d just been standing there, mindlessly winding excess rope for no good reason. “No, sorry. I- I didn’t hear you.”

The man smiled sadly— which seemed worse, honestly. “It’s pretty obvious to see what you’re thinking about, Thorfinn.”

He stared at Einar for a moment, feeling his face begin to burn all over again. 

_“That’s right, I love Thorfinn. Got a problem with that?”_

It was… unbelievable, if he was being perfectly honest. Entirely unbelievable. _She’s… in love with… me?_ It was strange, incomprehensible. Why would she? How could she? It made no sense. He wasn’t someone worth loving like that… right? She couldn’t have meant it like that… right? But she was gone now, going back to one end of the world while he travelled to the other. 

His stomach sank deeper inside him at the thought. She’d already left with barely a goodbye thrown over her shoulder before running away… He looked down, shrugging. “There’s nothing to do about it now, anyway.”

“Is there… something you’d want to do about it?”

The burning reached up to his ears as he stared at the boards under his feet. “I-“

“Wait!” A voice called, and it sent a jolt through his entire body, heart jumping in his chest. His head shot up as he looked to the grass. Gudrid was running towards them as if she’d never left. He found himself at the edge of the boat before he could even think, watching her while his stomach squirmed. _Is she… staying after all?_ He felt his heart lift at the hope. 

“Boo boo!” Karli cried from the edge of the boat where he sat with his dog. His little hands reached up and Gudrid picked him up and gave him a squeeze. _No… she’s only saying goodbye._ Then his heart sank all over again. 

“I thought you were going back to Iceland,” Leif said sternly, arms folded as he stood before her on the ship. 

Gudrid swallowed, then set Karli back down. “I- I am… but I couldn’t just- I mean, didn’t wanna-!”

She cut herself off, clenched her eyes shut and shook her head, then she lifted her face and looked directly at him. “Can I talk to you for a bit?”

When he just stared at her mutely, she squirmed, the silence between the two of them —and everyone— dragging on uncomfortably longer than it should. 

“I- sorry, it’ll only take a minute, then I’ll get outta your hair, just- please?”

“Y- yeah,” he finally said, breaking out of being completely dumbstruck, with the help of an elbow in his ribs, courtesy of Einar. “Of course.”

He didn’t even remember getting off the boat, but it seemed like a second had passed and suddenly he was standing there alone with her, the grass around them swaying in the breeze. 

“So,” Gudrid said quietly. “First off, I just wanted to say, ya know, thanks… for coming back for me, and- really for taking me with you in the first place. It’s been…” she stopped, looking away. “A wonderful adventure.”

The sadness filled him again. _You shouldn’t have to leave it now. If it wasn’t for me, huh…?_ “Yeah, I- yeah…”

Gudrid looked at him quietly, her normally pink cheeks flushed a brilliant red. “So, I know this is really forward, and probably pretty stupid, but I don’t think I could live with myself leaving it as it is now.”

He swallowed, hearing his pulse rushing in his ears. 

“I- I like you!” She just about squawked, then looked up at him, her face red and looking like she was about to cry. “I’m in love with you... So… yeah…” Her words tumbled out, and his head was spinning from the start. 

Thorfinn felt his face burn again, as if someone truly had set fire to him. _W- what in the world…?_ He had a million and one questions for her, like _“why”_ being a prime example. Why would she fall in love with a man like him? It didn’t make sense. But he couldn’t ask her that, not when she’d come all this way back to tell him directly…

_...Again, what the hell…_

“So…” she muttered. “I guess what I wanna ask is… what do you think of me…?”

He gaped at her in silence, but she wasn’t looking at him anymore. When she finished her words, she clamped her eyes shut, head ducked down with her fists clenched at her sides. 

_What kind of response do I give to something like this?!_

After a moment of quiet, watching this girl —this spirited and genuine woman standing before him— bearing all this love out… for him… his heart clenched. Suddenly the flustered feelings left him and reality seemed to set in.

_I’m… not good enough for her…_ The people he’d killed were innumerable, hundreds upon hundreds... It wasn’t just his hands that were red, he was drenched… completely and utterly soaked in the blood he’d so heartlessly spilt. War wrapped around him, refusing to let him go, no matter how much he longed to run from it. And she’d thanked him for saving her… _You wouldn’t have been in danger in the first place if it wasn’t for me…_

Now she wants a man like him to love her back...

He bowed his head, unable to in good conscience let this continue. For her sake. 

“I’m honored by your affection… however…” He bit his lip, bringing the words out. “I am… a murderer. A scoundrel who’s killed many people…”

He said it slowly, his eyes on the ground. He wanted his words to sink in, to remind her of the kind of person he was. It was like Hild tended to say— just acting good doesn’t erase the things he’d done. This wasn’t a person she wanted to spend her life with. Hell, she’d already been kidnapped and held against her will directly because of him. She could’ve died so easily. 

_Am I really what you want, Gudrid? How can you overlook my history so easily when you’ve been brought face-to-face with it?_

“If you stay with me, you might end up getting involved in wars once again,” he spoke, feeling tired now. He clenched his fists weakly, glancing up at her sadly. She was a wonderful woman, truly a beautiful and kind person. _You deserve better, Gudrid._

“I have no confidence at all that I could ever make you happy.”

With that, Gudrid looked up with wide eyes, confusion on her face— rather than the disheartened worry which had been there before. 

“That’s not what I asked...!” She said, almost in an accusatory tone. “Do you like me or not?”

Thorfinn blinked, startled. Even after all that, she brushed his words away like they were simply childish excuses. Were they? No, they were valid concerns, but that wasn’t enough for her. 

“No, I mean…” he backtracked, feeling flustered again. “You’re Sigurd’s wi-“

“Murderer or scoundrel. Wars or no wars. I don’t care about any of that,” Gudrid interrupted him, her words forceful and stern. “Just… do you like me?”

He stared aat her as she stared at him, her dark eyes shining with nervous determination. It was then that he realized what she was trying to do… She wanted to strip away everything but the two of them standing on this grassy shore. She stood before him having borne her heart to him, and now expected the same of him, without anything taking away from it, be it his past, or even her own husband…

_“What do_ you _feel, Thorfinn? Without worrying about anything else… What does your heart feel?”_ It felt like those were her actual words to him, and he felt everything calm inside him, a small warmth in his chest showing itself in the stillness.

_What does my heart feel?_

…

“I…” he started, taking her in almost breathlessly. “I’m not sure.”

That felt like the wrong response now, but he didn’t know how else to say it. He sighed, feeling disappointed in himself before he could even look and see Gudrid’s face. He bit his lip, looking at the grass. 

“I can’t give you an answer, Gudrid. This isn’t something- I- I mean, I haven’t really thought about it. N- not that I- I mean, I’ve always thought you were beautiful, but that isn’t the same thing, right?”

Gudrid huffed a small laugh, tucking her hair behind her ear. “If it’s any consolation, this is pretty new to me too.”

“But… you’ve been-“

She let out a rough sigh before speaking. “My first marriage was when I was barely older than a child, and I hardly knew him, then he was gone from my life as quickly as he’d come. I do feel closer to Sigurd than that, even though he’s chased me halfway across the world. But I guess at least he thought of me enough to do that.”

“Stabbing him in the leg seemed to get his attention…” he muttered, letting out a light laugh despite himself. 

Gudrid smiled, but it was a sad smile. “True. I guess that would do it.”

They stood in silence for a moment after she finished speaking, but he could feel frustration growing within him, at multiple things, but namely at himself. 

“What I meant before...” he continued when she said nothing. “I don’t even know what that would feel like. I- I haven’t- even really had friends until these last couple years, let alone…” 

He stopped, feeling his face warm as he thought over her words again. He looked up at her, confusion in his mind. _Well, the whole thing has been confusing… but this..._

“Why…” he started slowly, his words forming as he spoke. “Why did you… fall in love… with _me?_ W- what does that even _feel_ like?”

Gudrid blinked at him, then blushed again, clasping her hands in front of her.

“I mean, it just kinda happened?” She stated it like a question. “You’re… a really just genuinely _good_ man, you know? You’re kind and gentle and completely sweet, especially with Karli. I dunno, I guess I’m touched by how you care for the people around you.”

She tucked a hair behind her ear, blushing deeper. 

“I couldn’t help but see all that since I first met you. Since you rescued me and let me on board the ship… Yeah, if it weren’t for you, I’d probably be chained up forever in Halfdan’s house, and I’d never have seen the amazing things I’ve seen.”

Thorfinn didn’t know what to say to all that. He felt guilty and shameful now, as she spoke so highly of him. _Good man…_ He wanted that, he wanted to be a good man, but… after everything he’d done, there was nothing he could do to accept such a label. 

Gudrid shifted in front of him, folding her arms as she continued. 

“Uh, and how it feels... I don’t know, I just feel it. It feels different with you. I- I’ve never felt like this before, so it’s kinda hard to explain, but I- I guess when I’m around you, my heart beats faster, and I feel all fluttery and nervous sometimes… but… when we talk, or just sit quietly together, or just when I look at you, it always kinda feels warm, like right here,” she said softly, touching a hand to her chest. “It’s a good feeling.”

Thorfinn felt his own hand touch his chest, recognizing in himself _that_ feeling. _Oh…_

Gudrid smiled up at him, “It’s like… I never wanna be apart from you. That’s what it feels like.”

His thoughts felt jumbled, like he couldn’t figure out the words to say in this regard— not in the slightest… _Is that what I feel? How can I be sure? Is it just because she told me? I don’t know…_

Instead, he thought of her earlier words, sobering at the grandiose image of him she’d created. It was… shortsighted, the way she saw him. Of course, it was flattering, but it was also false. She had _no_ idea the kind of person he’d been. Had she met him when he was a warrior… she would never think him good. She’d likely hate him… fear him… the thought filled him with that entirely familiar shame. 

_I came so close to killing Floki only a few steps from her… How could she forget such a thing?_

“I’m not... the good man you’re making me out to be…” he muttered, looking down at the ground below his feet. “I don’t think I could ever deserve this love you want to give to me.”

It was silent for a bit, the wind blowing through the grass. “Who are you to tell me who deserves my love?”

He looked up again, blinking at her. Her hair whipped around her face as she looked at him seriously. He didn’t even know what to think, let alone say to that. 

After a moment of silence, she smiled sadly. “When you met that man who murdered your father, I was… terrified of your reaction. I was so scared for you, being so much in pain the way you were. It scared me, but… you didn’t strike him down. You didn’t kill him. And I think I wasn’t all that surprised- well, I was surprised at you snapping that sword in half, wow…” 

She laughed a bit, combing a hand through her hair. He swallowed, feeling the cold inside him at the memory. Of course, he knew he’d scared her. Of course he had— he’d scared himself. But it… hurt… knowing he’d made her feel afraid… He bowed his head, feeling that familiar shame once more. 

She continued, a solemness about her. “But I feel like I know you well enough to see the person you are today. And whether in the moment you wanted to kill that man or not, you restrained yourself. And I think that means something.”

Thorfinn looked away from her and her kind face and sweet smile. Part of him was grateful to her for seeing through his rage, seeing the person he was struggling to be… another part of him wished he could erase the whole thing entirely. _She’s so kind…_ and he hated himself a little more. 

“Anyway…” Gudrid continued as she nodded slowly. “I- I understand that this is sudden and weird and all that and... it’s okay, really. You don’t have to answer. I just… I just wanted to know, is all…”

Thorfinn frowned, scratching at his neck, unsure of what to do. Surprise filled him though when she started to laugh again, despite the sadness in her face. 

“Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t trying to pressure you to feel something you don’t feel. I’m just…” she sniffed as she turned to pick up her bag from the grass, tears in her eyes as she smiled at him. “I’m just really gonna miss you- a- and everyone.”

He couldn’t speak even if he tried. He had no words, only the tightening in his chest and the sadness he felt at this whole situation. _She deserves more than this…_ And yet there was nothing he could do but watch her cry. 

“You know, it really was a lot of fun! Seeing the world a little bit, traveling and meeting so many people!” Gudrid continued, those tears beginning to fall. “I- I guess I probably won’t be leaving Iceland again after this…”

Her hands clasped to her sleeves, revealing the desperation and heartache she was feeling, contrary to her laughter. Thorfinn frowned, thinking desperately how to keep her with them… but she’d promised… he couldn’t interfere with that, no matter how much he wanted to. 

“I just… I wanted to go too… I wanted to believe in that peace you’ll create. I wanted to help build it...” She said quietly, her face looking down at the grass. “W- will you… come see me before- before you go to Vinland?”

Thorfinn could see the tears dripping from her chin now, making his heart ache further. If only she hadn’t made such a promise. He didn’t care if Sigurd pursued them to the ends of the earth if that meant she could be happy and free. 

Without thinking, he reached out, clasping his hands against her shoulders. She looked up with surprise in her face as her tears continued to flow. 

“Of course I will,” he said, his voice coming out almost severe. With a shudder in his chest, he leaned forward, pressing his forehead against hers. 

“If I could, I would give you the freedom and happiness you desire,” he said quietly, his own eyes beginning to sting. “I’m so sorry, Gudrid.”

For a moment, she was perfectly still, frozen at his contact. He went too far, he knew that, but he’d been caught up in the desperation of the moment, and right now he didn’t care. 

After a beat, she threw her arms around his neck, hugging him impossibly tight. “Take care of yourself, okay? I know you’ll take care of everyone, but make sure to care for yourself too, Thorfinn.”

He wrapped his arms around her firmly, clinging to her. “I will. I promise.”

Her embrace was warm, even as her shoulders trembled with her tears. He bowed his head into her, wondering what on earth had he ever done to earn this kind of affection. _What the hell…_

“You know… if you were to… accept me… I wouldn’t worry about you making me happy.” She whispered against his shoulder quietly, squeezing him. “If you just held me like this every day for the rest of my life, I’m sure I’d always be happy.”

He felt that warmth from her grow deeper within him at her words, at her touch. He didn’t know what to say or do, he just tightened his arms, holding her a little closer as he pressed his face to her neck. 

After far too short, she pulled herself away from his arms, wiping roughly at the tears on her face. But she wouldn’t look at him anymore. Her face was down, turned away as she spoke over her shoulder. 

“Well, I guess I’ll see ya around,” she muttered, pulling on her bag back once more. 

He didn’t know what to do, or how to say goodbye, so he just watched her mutely, still feeling the impression of her embrace against him... He didn’t _want_ to say goodbye... What he wanted was to grab her up and hug her again. He wanted to pull her back to the ship and set sail once more, and let her see the world beyond what even he’d seen. _But she promised Sig-_

_..._

As she turned away from him, his hand reached out nearly on its own. He grasped her hand, tugging her so that she turned towards him again. She blinked at him with wide eyes, but made no move to pull away. 

“Run away,” he said, his voice lower now. “We did it before, so we can do it again.”

She gaped at him, her face flushed. “T- Thorfinn…”

He pulled on her again, starting to walk towards the boat. “Promise or no, I don’t want you to be trapped in a life you don’t want. He can chase us to the ends of the earth if he wants to, but I won’t watch him force you into this.”

Her lip trembled as she looked down to the ground, feet stopping as he tried to pull her with him. 

“I- I can’t, Thorfinn. Not like that…”

Thorfinn took her in, his hand still wrapped around hers. If she wouldn’t run, then he wasn’t sure what to do. 

Gudrid squeezed his hand gently before pulling free. He looked down, feeling a bit colder with its absence. 

“I- I’m sorry…” she murmured. “But thanks for uh… giving me a chance at the world.”

With one last sad smile, she turned away from him again, and his chest felt even tighter, watching her walk away. _I might never see her again…_ It hurt more than he would’ve imagined. He thought over the time they’d spent, the conversations they’d had, the fun she always brought to their crew. And the kindness she gave to him constantly. 

He’d really grown so fond of her…

He watched her for a minute more before turning back to Leif’s boat, rubbing a hand over his neck to relieve the ice sinking through him. 

Before he could get very far, Gudrid spoke once more. “Uh… Thorfinn?”

He turned back to her, seeing her standing at the top of the hill, her head tilted. He blinked at her. “What is it?”

Gudrid looked at him with confusion, then pointed out at the harbor. “That’s… Sigurd’s ship, right?”

_Huh?_

He stepped up to the top of the hill with her, watching the ship that was the ship gifted to Sigurd by Thorkell… sailing away… without her.

All the tightness in his chest was still there, but now accompanied by a feeling of almost… giddiness. _Sigurd’s leaving? Sigurd chose to leave her behind?_ Before he knew it, there was a smile on his face. 

“Gudrid, this is-“ he stopped when he looked at her, seeing tears falling down her face once more. “Gudrid?”

Before he could do a thing, she shouted in frustration, sinking to her knees in the grass so suddenly he thought she’d collapsed. “Ah- Gudrid!”

“That damn bastard!” She cried, sobbing now as she rubbed at her face. “You stupid jerk! Gosh, Sigurd… how could you do this to me?!”

Thorfinn knelt beside her as she cried, unsure what to do. _Didn’t she… want to stay?_ “Gudrid, I- what’re you talking about?”

Gudrid looked up at him, a smile so wide and bright, it could almost hide the fact that there were tears streaming down her cheeks. He gaped at her, suddenly thinking he’d never seen her look as beautiful as she did right then, her smile as bright as the sun on the waves. 

“He just set me free,” she breathed, continuing to cry. “Even before hearing back, he let me be free.”

“Hearing back?” He asked, growing more and more confused. 

Gudrid ignored him, laughing as she rubbed her sleeve over her face, trying to dry the tears away. 

“I guess this means we’re divorced now, huh Sigurd?” She muttered, standing once more and brushing the grass off her knees. “Done deal.”

“Huh?” He blinked as he stood with her, even more confused than before. “You are? W- what deal?”

Gudrid turned to him with that bright smile once more and gave him another hug, squeezing him tight. He blinked, feeling his face flush once more at the sudden intimacy. “Ah-“

Before he could even think, Gudrid picked up her bag once more and turned towards Leif’s ship. 

“Well, what’re we just standing here for?! Let’s get outta here!” Gudrid beamed, marching back towards the ship with a lightness in her step. “We’ve got a whole world to see, and I don’t wanna wait another minute!”

Despite his confusion and dishevelment, Thorfinn smiled at her back. _This girl..._

He followed her sure steps. “Of course,” he said gently, feeling the joy fill him up. He had no idea what was to come of all of this, but with her bright smile and confidence, he thought maybe it was about time he started following her lead.

**Author's Note:**

> (Art in the text now because I had no idea I could do that before!! Thanks, nullius!)
> 
> Imma continue this in some more stuff later. Thank so much! Lemme know what y’all think, please!


End file.
